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Solo Tabloid Tales

Break ups, breakdowns and break offs

Oh Lord, it’s all about Jordan and Peter Andre these days isn’t it? Who could have possibly predicted the demise of these two?! Well, apparently anyone who was watching their numerous reality TV shows did. Or saw Pete’s exasperated expression during their last public appearance at the Soap Awards. In any case, within a day or so it was all over. A joint statement announced the end of the relationship and hilariously appealed for the former couple’s privacy. Considering they built their entire ‘career’ on exposing their lives to the glare of the media, the irony of this request escaped nobody.
The path of this break up has been a rocky one. While Jordan initially declared herself to be heartbroken, it would seem that the gloves are now off and her soon to be ex is winning the PR battle. She went on vacation with two of the kids while he sought refuge with his family in Cyprus. Now she’s back and getting herself embroiled with the one time boyfriend Dane Bowers as Pete is house hunting and generally coming across as the victim who is garnering both sympathy and respect. It helps that he gives a weekly update on how he’s doing in his new! magazine column – possibly his main source of income these days now that brand Price/Andre is no more. Ah yes, as they both fly solo it’s the end of a British institution.
Ditto with the rather sordid outcome to Susan Boyle‘s ride on Britain’s Got Talent. One minute the Scottish spinster/singing sensation was an international hit, clocking fans like Ashton and Demi. The next she was in The Priory after coming second in the contest and having some sort of emotional meltdown in the aftermath. While we wish no misery on the woman, it’s quite astonishing how she’s managed to fit so much into about two months of fame. I mean, she’s come full circle. She’s had the rise to stardom and she’s already in rehab. It took Kerry Katona years to get to that point. Just goes to show how fleeting celebdom is these days.
Lucky for Boyle though she has oodles of support. Like Jordan in fact, who is lucky enough to have Paris Hilton on her side. Do these two actually know one another? “I should call her later and talk to her,” Hilton declared upon hearing the new of the impending divorce. “She’s so hot. I’ve never met Peter so I can’t talk about him, but I hope she’s OK. The advice I’d give her is to not read the papers or the internet, because nobody wants to be nice.” Man, that gal is so intelligent and wise.
Back to Boyle though who got a ‘sympathy vote’ from Heather Mills the night of the BGT final because ‘she is talented and has been built up and torn down’. Just like herself no doubt. All that bad press had probably made her deluded. And accident prone. Mills told the world recently – via her Twitter page (who the hell follows her on Twitter?) – that she lost her leg in a supermarket after slipping on a wet floor. Of course she didn’t lose, lose her leg. She lost that years ago. No, she lost her artificial leg, but was kindly rescued by two teenage boys. It actually broke off. As if anyone cares.

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