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Serial for breakfast, lunch and dinner

Serial dating is everywhere, writes Roberta von Meding, but it’s not the way to go.

serialThroughout history serial dating has been prevalent. The fear of commitment and the need to jump from relationship to relationship is behaviour we have faced for centuries. Both men and women are culprits when it comes to serial dating. Men who behave in this way are generally seen as ‘players’ or ‘studs’ and, as such, women serial daters get the most focus.
There are two types of serial daters. The first can wait months to break off the relationship, which obviously leaves the unwitting partner scarred. The second type of SD can have just one or two dates and then move onto the next guy. Please don’t misunderstand the term; there is nothing wrong with meeting different people for drinks, lunch, dinner or whatever, but when it becomes a full time job, it’s time to step back. If what you are doing is damaging to others then there is something wrong with your behaviour.

Why do it?
Even though SDs would often love to be in an intimate relationship they just can’t seem to get to that place. Sometimes this can be because they have had a series of painful break ups or are just fearful of putting themselves in a vulnerable place. Rejection is horrible! It makes women distrustful of men and sadly of themselves as well. When asked if they want to get a bit more serious by the guy they are seeing, the SD will end it even though the relationship might actually have potential.

Avoid vulnerability at all costs!
Date numero 500 for SD type one. The scene: a 14-month relationship, dinner for two at a restaurant. After dinner he asks her to marry him. Little does the unsuspecting party know that she has already decided to terminate the relationship. The end comes as a major shock to the system for him, with the sudden change from marriage to carnage! Before things got this serious, dating was fun, but now the relationship was too deep and she felt the need to end it. Time to dump him so that he will never get a chance to dump her. This is utterly heartbreaking for the guy as there was no evidence to suggest she was unhappy. These types of SDs are usually scared of commitment because they fear being dumped. Otherwise they may just want to play the field a bit more to make sure they are making the right decision. Either way the issue is a lack of trust in themselves.
Type two goes on date after date after date, or even juggles a few at a time, in search of the perfect Daniel Craig-esque, Brad Pitt-ian guy. The need for the next fix is strong. Clubbing, pubbing and online scouring, the hunt for the ‘perfect’ relationship becomes like a drug for many. It is the actual activity of dating that gives the buzz, not the relationship itself. In order to change these self-sabotaging tendencies of serial dating, there is a serious need to reassess the false beliefs about idyllic relationships that have formed. There really is no such thing as a perfect man, which is why serial dating is so unending? The ideal person does not exist, Disney is not a reality! Type two will always find an excuse not to see the guy again. She gets bored and feels that the grass is greener on the other side.

Alone time
Both types of women have this in common – they are both looking for fulfilment from a relationship, which is an ever so slightly parasitic behaviour. Whether it’s a two-year relationship or two dates, they are bound to be disappointed because – as clichéd as this sounds – true happiness comes from within.
So why this discontentment? Until women can enjoy their own company and be fulfilled by themselves and their own worth, they will find it hard to maintain any sort of relationship. Women who can spend time with themselves are generally happy in relationships, having first reached the place where they accept themselves. Taking some time to go out for a coffee alone, reading a book, doing a class and finding out what makes them tick are all stepping stones to being self-sufficient and getting happiness out of being single. Then when a guy comes along she can accept whatever happens – it may work, it may not, but it doesn’t dictate her life or her happiness.

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