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Solo Tabloid Tales

Kerry Katona: what the fu*k?

kerry-katonaIt’s very, very difficult to resist having a pop at Kerry Katona. She just makes it so easy, and she hit the jackpot again recently when it emerged that she had finally seen the light and dumped her rotten husband Mark Croft. The first hint that all was not well was when she changed her Facebook status to ‘single’, but if that wasn’t proof enough for those of us who sadly aren’t listed as her ‘friends’ on the social networking site, the break up was confirmed via the filming of her new em, ‘reality’ show, Kerry Katona: What’s the Problem?
What’s the problem indeed. The problem is that Kerry seems to living her life entirely through the medium of reality shows, which of course might not be real at all. You see there was a rumour because of the Facebook thing that the union was on the rocks. But that we had to find out the ‘truth’ through a scene filmed for the MTV show? There is a stink of a rat here. Could there have been some sort of publicity stunt being staged? We even got photos of the ‘heart breaking’ scenes – Kerry in tears as she declares on camera to her publicity agent: “I’ve got a lawyer involved. Me and Mark are getting a divorce. We really are.”
There was no sign of Mark in the midst of all this and Kerry took the opportunity of his absence and the ever presence of a film crew to bring in a bunch of celebrity financial consultants, who were hired to search for her missing millions. (Lord knows why she’s thinks there missing considering how many cars she’s bought). This made for great headlines in the Sunday papers – the man in the suit standing outside her house, reading a statement that he and his staff were on hand to dig La Katona out of her mess. Kerry was beside him, looking suitably distraught. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the man in the suit explained that one of the reasons Kerry’s not great with money is because she’s bipolar. Oh God, not again. Stop with the bipolar guys! Every time there’s drama in the former Atomic Kitten‘s life, the mental illness thing is brought up.
What’s Kerry Katona actually trying to do – compete with Jade Goody, whose unfortunate life and very sad but inevitable death was played out in public like some sort of surreal soap opera? It’s as if she, ie Kerry, is pissed off that she sacked her previous PR guru Max Clifford, who of course represented Jade and kept the media posted on every aspect of her illness and ultimate demise. Even he made the point recently that ‘enough is enough’ when it came to how much more of a spectacle could be made of Jade’s situation, although that didn’t stop him continuing to feed the press regular snippets of info.
Meanwhile, Kerry’s marriage seems to be back on track, which brings us again to the original point – how much of her life is real when it comes to her endless stream of reality shows? Kerry Katona: What’s the Problem? still hasn’t hit our screens, yet there was talk of a follow up that was to be called Kerry Katona: The Divorce. All this while she was purportedly sobbing over the behaviour of her soon to be ex husband, who now seems to simply be her husband again. They’ll have to come up with something new now to be the topic for the sequel. They’ve done the marital strife thing and flogged the bipolar stuff to death. So what next? Oh yes, that’s it – death. As subject matter, it’s all they’ve left really.

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