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Solo Tabloid Tales

Sound biting season

With Christmas behind us, ’tis the season to be sound biting. Yes, celebrities have nothing better to be doing at the beginning of a brand new year than to bestow their well earned wisdom upon the masses. First up is Eva Longoria Parker, who wants to tell single ladies how best to hook a man.
“Just get out there and meet people,” she said. “I think sometimes women are stuck in a type. I’ve never dated the same type. I fall in love with personalities, and they come in different packages.
“Marriage is a commitment, so you always have to work at it,” she continued, adding that she loves having dinner ready for her husband Tony Parker, and making sure his clothes are ironed and that he’s packed and ready when he goes on road trips. “I’m the gardener in our relationship. I definitely nurture. Tony is the flower..I’m really a very ’50s housewife.”
Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston is boring us all to death as she drip feeds minute amounts of info into the public domain on subjects such as ageing and whether or not she’ll remarry.
“I don’t know!” she exclaimed when the topic of heading back up the aisle arose. “I honestly don’t know. I’m not against it. Maybe. Maybe, sure.”
That’s about as vague as it gets, but Jen is very good at keeping herself in the headlines when she’s promoting something, and it looks like her latest ‘revelations’ are paying off as her new movie Marley & Me is riding high in US box offices. This is a film about a dog and seeing as John Mayer‘s apparent lady love (the jury’s still out on whether or not this ‘relationship’ is a PR stunt) has just told us that she prefers dogs to men because ‘men come and go but there really is no relationship like the one you have with a dog’, there can be no doubt about her motives.
Benji Madden seems to be at the same carry on when he recently announced that he will be keeping a ‘close eye’ on potential suitors of his baby niece Harlow, daughter of his twin brother Joel and Nicole Richie. This is an utterly pointless piece of drivel but you see Benji had to say something to get a bit of attention because since he broke up with Paris Hilton nobody cares about him anymore.
Among the other music industry members giving us a piece of their minds is X Factor winner Alexandra Burke, who has publicly criticised Mariah Carey, labelling her ‘stiff’ and ‘reserved’. Now while we would be loathe to defend Mariah on a good day, Alexandra needs to keep her trap shut for another while. As does Leona Lewis, who has informed the world that she is writing an autobiography, which will recall her early years in Hackney and her success after taking part in The X Factor. Snore. Now this is something that society can absolutely do without.

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