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Solo Sabbatical

5 Stalking

Whether your desired respite from being single involves a one night stand, a fling or an actual relationship, there is yet another method you can use as the way in which to fulfill these needs – stalking. Yes, it’s controversial, but notoriety aside, how acceptable is it really? Well, that’s a loaded question and it all depends on how you look at the whole concept. According to the dictionary, to stalk equals anything from plaguing, pestering and annoying to irritating, aggravating and even persecuting. Wow. The last one is a little harsh. But in matters of the heart, surely it can also mean something less severe?
Having asked around, I have definitely come to more than one conclusion. If there are those who think stalking is the ultimate act of desperation, there are as many who see is merely as a form of persistence, albeit an exaggerated one, which is ultimately just a means to an end – that being the successful snaring of the guy or gal.
“I would never go down that road,” Paul told Solo, although as a 36-year-old who has been in a ten-month relationship, he doesn’t need to anyway.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “It just wouldn’t be my style. You’d come across as too needy and lose your dignity so why bother in the first place? It’s not as if it’s going to work.”
Laura, a 27-year-old singleton agrees – kind of.
“I have been the victim of a stalker or two and quite frankly it was scary rather than endearing. Well either scary or pathetic, depending on the intensity. But then again, in a dry spell, who doesn’t like attention?”
It’s with this last comment Laura might have hit the nail on the head. There is a case to be made that if you pull the stalking off with just enough restraint (I know, I know, it must be very difficult to walk such a fine line), you might just triumph.
Personally I have given in to a couple of stalkers in my day. When I was 18 the guy in question mixed the right amount of charm with his pursuit so that he came off looking almost alluring. Of course this was at two in the morning on the way home from the local disco but still, fair play to him for sticking with his game plan and winning me over. Not that the union lasted, however perhaps that was never his intention.
“But wanting what you can’t have is a bit of a romantic rule of thumb for everyone so an ever present, ever eager suitor is not going to be the most attractive of prospects,” Laura wisely pointed out, “especially when you are probably busy yourself stalking Mr Aloof and Unattainable.
“Having said that, it’s probably a realistic way of scoring alright – hang about enough, make sure they know the chance is there, and you’re bound to catch them at a low ebb at some point. You just have to figure out a way to capitalise on that afterwards if you want to turn it into a proper relationship.”
This is indeed true. To be a victorious stalker you must bide your time and wait for those opportune moments when your stalkee is at his or her most vulnerable. I know that was the reason a friend of mine fell victim to the perseverance of an old boyfriend some years ago. Newly jilted by a commitment-phobic asshole, she was feeling both low and lonely and sex with an ex is no big anyway so she surrendered under the power of pain. Big mistake. Next thing she knew she was turning down a marriage proposal and realising that it’s better to be alone than to be to return to a loveless relationship out of a fear of being alone.
Having said that there are some positives to stalking.
“I have heard of many cases where it has worked out,” said Laura. “One particular former stalker-stalkee couple I know has just got engaged in fact. That was originally very much a hang around until they are at their lowest ebb scenario.”
So it is possible to wear someone down eh?
“And if you are willing to take the potential humiliation what’s the worst that could happen?” she added. “At the least it’s very proactive and quite brave too, to put yourself out there like that. And it means you get rid of all the game playing.”
“I still think it’s the ultimate in desperation,” proclaimed Paul, who of course can say this in the knowledge that his current relationship makes him stalker-proof.
So, to stalk or not to stalk? Well, it probably depends on the level of interest that is there. For example, there is little point in risking utter mortification if you only sort of fancy someone. On the other hand, if you think the stalkee in question is potentially ‘the one’, then who are we to stand in the way of true, albeit obsessive, love?
Word of warning though – try not to cyber stalk. It’s bad enough doing it in real life but when it’s done via the internet, particularly Facebook, it becomes positively creepy.


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